This a straight lift from something going the rounds on Facebook at present. I am afraid I cannot give credit where is credit is due to the original author(s), as there is no attribution. Sorry.
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. Bottom up!
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
AND......
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. Bottom up!
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
AND......
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteTHE BAR IS OPEN TODAY!! Sorry about last week, was in a great deal of pain and couldn't function properly! ;)
ReplyDeleteOh, Sue, I could see you were, and really felt for you. We will be back soon, and please don't forget you now have a devoted tame electrician whenever you need one...
ReplyDeleteI hadn't seen this one before - it's priceless. I just found your blog via your comments on Backwards in High Heels - one of my favorites - and now I've joined yours. I love your blog intro. That could be me:"wondering what else I can do to avoid any cleaning or tidying or putting away of stuff and things that aren't even MINE. I spend my days in practiced avoidance - it's becoming a lost art. http://latelifemusings.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteWelcome Laura,
ReplyDeleteThings have improved immensely since The Husband was made redundant last year, and retired. We have now divided the responsibility for the house in two (he does the eat-in kitchen, his study and the guest bedroom, I do the sitting room, our bedroom, the bathroom & loo). When one is faced with having to do only half of it, things get a lot better. But we both love to procrastinate "What do we WANT? Procrastination! When do we want it? TOMORROW!!") so we chug along quite amicably ignoring the boring stuff together until we realise we have invited guests round and they arrive - erm, TOMORROW!.
I shall check on your blog. Welcome again to mine
Chortle! I've seen bits of this before, but the whole thing is much better than the bits. :-)
ReplyDeleteExcellent and so sensible! (Won't show it to my other half though who is supposed to be cultivating the art of healthy eating and losing weight. ;)
ReplyDeleteJust found your blog via 'Backwards in high heels'. I"ll be back...
Jennyta,
DeleteHow kind of you to call round!
The Husband was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes in 2012, aged 56. He has tackled it well with weightloss, exercise and much less-beer-drinking, so his blood glucose was back within the parameters of normal at his last check. He has been an Awfully Good Boy, but we are still hedonists at heart, epicureans even (although neither of those schools of philisophy is anything like what we think of by those words these days).
So we like to Talk Big, and Play It Down. Health fascists can be such mirthless bores...