The many and various ways I pass the time now has a new addition. Usually it involves drinking coffee whilst sitting at a computer keeping in touch with chums, or sipping wine sitting on our tiny terrace catching the sun, and wondering what else I can do to avoid any cleaning or tidying or putting away of stuff and things that aren't even MINE. And now I am going to type this blog. Provided that doesn't become a chore as well, in which case...

Wednesday, 30 March 2011

In Which We Have to "Go Private"

We had to sign a private-only funding contract to get the bed we wanted in the home we all agreed on, as it is a privately -funded bed. The Manager tried all sorts of routes to try to help us, and spoke to her senior managers whilst we were in the room, to attempt to get us partial County Council funding for twelve weeks, but this county doesn’t have an agreement with them to have Social Services partially-funded long-term places.  She even offered us a “cheaper “ bed in another town nearby to tide us over and then bring Our Ma back here later, once the house is sold,  but we said NO it has to be this one and if necessary The Husband and I will take out second mortgages on our two houses to tide us over until Our Ma’s house is sold.  She was stunned by our devotion.

Had we gone for CC funding all they would be able to offer us is something like Home No 2,  where we were made most unwelcome and a man ranted at a lady in the sitting room all the time we were there.

When we visited Our Ma later afterwards she had taken off the shitty socks from yesterday (which her expletive deleted carer let her dress in this morning)  herself and loved her new slippers but had no recollection I’d given them to her this afternoon, to remove her Xmas pair for washing.

She will be CLEAN, given constant help with toileting, and round-the-clock company.  We even got to choose the colours of her re-painted walls, the new carpet and curtains.  She has a view over the garden and the pond, and from her window she can see the huge goldfish in the pond, and the manager is thrilled we will visit with our dog and she says the entire floor will adopt him as their own.

She will get a manicure and hand massage most weeks, all included.  I said she used to like a bit of lippy.  She will get it, every day.

When we arrived at 4.30pm The Husband paced back and forth and wouldn’t - couldn't - sit down while we waited for the staff meeting to finish so we could go in.  By the end of our meeting, an hour and a half later, he exhaled hugely and a immense weight lifted off his magnificent shoulders. 

She going to be HAPPY there.  It will cost HER (not us, her) approximately £3000 a month.  Swallow hard, Dear Reader.  We did.

The lady I noticed was crying on Sunday as we were shown round was the lady who died that night, in her sleep.  Her name was Lily and she was 93.  I said Thank you, Lily and blessed her soul.


  1. Glad it's all sorted, though I join you in the gulp at the cost. However, DH says that from his research this is pretty average!!! and for nursing home care the cost can go up to £50K p.a. The mind does boggle!

  2. Nursing Home Care in the Home Counties are around £45,000 pa on average, elsewhere in the country that drops to about £35,000 pa.

    We are paying private Care Home Fees for a Dementia Bed on a specialist unit. All the time on Sunday in the back of my mind I was thinking "if I were really ill again and scared and deluded, which home would I want to be in?" As Psych Ward client in the past I had a lot of insights to offer the family as we reached our choice. It is, after all is said and done, a mental health facility, when it's demntia that that it's needed for...

  3. I would imagine this means a rather higher staffing ratio than a general age-related facility? It sounds the right place for her and that is what matters most.

    Lovely photos - they weren't there when I first looked :-)

  4. We've had some even better news. The Manager has rung to say the upstairs room can't be got ready in time, and is offering Our Ma a newly refurbed downstairs room near the Coffee Shop (the social hub of the home) and also near reception which is a much more active and populated area of the home. I think she will be fine there and have accepted it.

  5. Photos are beautiful, Ma-Bee is still a stunner x So nice to see people taking care of others, our Nan will hit 94 this May and some days are hard, but to see them happy is the main thing, proud of you all x

  6. That's really good news about the different room :-) More activity and more companionship might help stem the memory deterioration for a while, and even if it doesn't she hopefully won't feel lonely with people around all the time.